Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
