I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I didn't notice because vodka
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
