Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
