yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
