I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So much Jack, so little girl.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
