I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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