There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
