I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
