I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
