if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
