I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
