I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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