Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
