you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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