Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
