honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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