I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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