what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
