you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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