The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
