Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Randomize
