I want to have your abortion
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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