Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
