Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Apparently you make a good broom.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
