I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
