my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
