I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
