we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
