Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
