u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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