Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As shirtless as possible
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Randomize
