21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
whose parrot is this?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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