I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
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