Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it hurts more in the daytime
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
