I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
