I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
