Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
