those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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