Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
