he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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