i was rollin on her like bob the builder
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
