I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
