I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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