it's like iHOP with fire
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
