it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
