waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
