He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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