hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
