Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
