i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Sorry about my life...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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